It’s easy for us to get into a pattern where we work hard to develop ourselves, or our life, and then rest afterward. A difficulty arises when we let that rest go on. There is no top to this mountain, nor is that the point of the climb.
For five and a half years I was in an incredible relationship with an incredible woman. A few months ago we ended that relationship. The short answer to the natural question of, “Why?” is simply that she didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. She still loves me, I still love her. But there’s a longer answer I don’t like to address, and it’s that I stopped moving forward. I had created a pretty amazing life, and I wanted to enjoy it. The free time, the relationship, the friends, I had what I had worked for. So I stopped working, because it was hard.
I tell all of my clients that being coached is far more difficult than coaching. It’s harder than learning rocket science. I can lock you in a library for a decade and you can know how to send something to the moon, but being coached requires interacting with your life in very uncomfortable ways. It means you say things to people you aren’t comfortable saying. It means you attack the areas of your life you’ve been avoiding for years, or decades. It means looking at yourself for where you can change, instead of changing the world. And I stopped doing that in my life.
When I stopped updating my life so that I could relax and enjoy it I became complacent. I felt I deserved what I had and deserved to enjoy it. What I missed is that I had what I had because I didn’t stop working! And as soon as I stopped, my life started to look like one of complacency again. And because I was so committed to resting, I missed that life was altering around me. The longer I rested, the more I didn’t want to start the work again. Without coaches and my support structures around I didn’t break out. And here I am. I still have a great life, and I am dissatisfied, out of that relationship, and wondering, “What’s next?”
The great thing about personal development is that people never forget what they learned. We may not implement it, but no one forgets that at some moment they saw (and knew!) that they were responsible for their life. So it’s not about getting back what I had, it’s about creating a life that I want. There’s work to be done. I’m back in the greatest city in the world and I have everything open to me. “What’s next?” I have no idea. And that’s a great feeling. But I do know it starts with me updating my life. So in that vein, I’ve updated my creed. It’s time to start climbing again.
To Whom It May Concern:
This is a communication to let you know who I am, what I am up to, and what I can be relied upon for. I am an interruption in the lives of the people I meet, allowing them to choose how the next moment goes. I am fun, allowing everyone around me to be insignificant and drama-free. Each person I interact with is the most powerful person in their world, and I listen to and create the people I am in contact with as heroes, giants, and Gandhis.
My life is created around having myself and others enjoy every part of our lives. I get to do personal development coaching for clients around the globe, giving them new outlooks on responsibility, communication, integrity and fact vs. belief that leave them happier and with greater success in their lives. I get to design and invent games for businesses, allowing adults to play as they did when they were children while learning what makes competition fun and successful in the “real” world. I get to create what is important in my relationships: Communication, Team, Joy, Love, and Listening For Each Other’s Greatness. I have created my world as an exceptional life, not in the sense that it is better than a normal one, rather in the sense that it is truly a life “full of exceptions”.
What I am promising is never to let someone’s word go unheard or unlistened to. I will be in communication and will never accept that there is ever a “lesser of two evils”. I will listen to those around me as incredible and will clean up when I don’t. I will insist that everyone have a positive experience of their life and that I don’t want anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. I will remember that I only “need” air, water, and food; that I don’t “have” to do anything, and that “should” is a construct. I will be ravenous for anything that inspires and will keep present that I don’t know what comes next. I will continuously give up “Being Superior” to allow possibilities to be present. I will keep creating and requesting that others create and examine the structures in life that support what I and they are actually committed to.
I so often forget that I love people and that I simply have a vision for the world that isn’t here yet. It is a vision where everyone insists that their neighbor have an incredible life and where disagreements are simply different points of view instead of arguments over universal truths. When I forget that I love people you become objects. Some of you are obstacles (objects that impede me) and some of you are tools (objects that help me or give me knowledge), but you are all objects just the same. When I am in that space I get to be alone, unwanted and unliked, and I don’t have to be responsible for my experience of life. What it costs me is my love and affinity for you, me, them, everybody, and it keeps my vision from coming true. It simply isn’t worth that tradeoff and I will continue to create structures that remind me of that.
Thanks for reading, and for giving me the opportunity to be who I say I am with you. I hope it has connected you with who you say you are and that it makes your day brighter. While I may not have ever met you, I love you and appreciate your time and attention. I don’t know how many people need to share my vision to have that world become reality. I know I don’t need all seven billion, and maybe I just need one more. Maybe it’s you.